Studies show that couples are less happy after they become parents. The husband and wife relationship goals change enormously from being just romantic partners to loving parents and this transition is not easy.

There are fights over responsibilities, finances, way of parenting in a constant state of sleep deprivation which makes it worse.

In fact, a lot of couples (who are madly in love with each other) admit to having experienced deeply unpleasant thoughts about their spouse at some point during their child’s first year.

Reasons are numerous but I figured a quick “RULE OF 8” (which worked for me and my husband) to deal with this constant bickering and become better partners in this journey of being parents.

Share the list with your husband for a more effective result.

‘Rule of 8’ for Mothers

  1. Ask for specific changes in behaviour/instructions for help. “Say please buy some diapers on the way back from the office. Buy XL size”.
  2.  You were not hesitant then to make a nasty remark, so don’t be hesitant now to apologize ASAP after that false accusation.
  3. Frame short and clear sentences. Let him respond. 
  4.  Avoid going tit for tat. Avoid comments like, “You think I can’t balance my work with home? Well, your contribution to this home is zero. You have no right to make this remark.” Instead, focus on how you can solve the problem.
  5.  Let go of the past, and solve one problem at a time. Do not pile up problems for collective resolution, it only breeds more resentment.
  6. Take a break if a fight becomes too heated. This is the best tip to manage the husband and wife relationship.
  7. If you hit a fight, do not end it mid-way. Resolve all issues in your mind.
  8. Hug and Kiss to end a fight. (Make love that night to give the fight a happy closure)

‘Rule of 8’ for Father

  1. Apologize ASAP after a nasty zinger or false accusation to maintain a healthy husband and wife relationship.
  2. Paraphrase what your partner says. Try saying “You’re angry because you think I don’t find you attractive after baby. Is that right?”
  3.  Perform small acts of showering love on her. A mother feels she’s only at giving end after she becomes a mother. Bring her flowers or send her “I love you” emoji. She will love it. It will be even better if you can help her take out some time for herself.
  4. Lend her an ear. Make her talk and give her the comfort of being emotionally available.
  5. Take a break if a fight becomes too heated.
  6. Look for an appropriate moment to hug her in the middle of the fight, Touch is important. She’ll be more receptive to your point of view.
  7. If you hit a fight, do not end it mid-way. Resolve all issues in your mind.
  8. Let go of the past, and solve one problem at a time. Do not pile up problems for collective resolution, it only breeds more resentment.

Apply these rules in your life and you both will definitely find the way back to each other. Marriage requires constant effort. Don’t give up on each other. Don’t forget to be husband-wife in the process of becoming parents.

Good Luck and Cheers!! Share your secrets of a happy married life after baby. I will be glad to share them with fellow new moms and new dads.